Cheetah Printed Zebras

Coconuts and HILARY DUFF?!?!?

2011-08-30T08:21:00.000-07:00

Hi blog readers! I have def not been on this blog as much as I have been on the blog for someone special:) I am in Louisville, I finally got an email to schedule my state test! I am on my way to getting my license! 1 step away:) So I have to find a job to work at but I am pretty sure once I have the license in my hand I can start somewhere cool and inviting. Though I will be very nervous to have my first client without my instructors watching me. I cant believe I have graduated and I am out on my own sorta lol! I am so excited:) And nervous! So this weekend I get to see Matthias:) He has been at Trine university for chemical engineering. I miss him but this will help us out a lot when we go out on our own! I am so in love you guys! I am gonna go..it is short but I need to update here badly! RIGHT???

3PHI

Sorry!

2011-08-21T20:59:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the state test and I cant sleep, I am scared, nervous and I know this test will determine a lot for me. What I dont know is if I will make it. Matthias is now off to college to meet people and to learn..mostly learn and enjoy life as a college student. I on the other hand, have to keep him in check...all those hotties in college ya know lol! But no I trust him..he is a good christian guy and I love him and he loves me. I have been so busy with his blog that I have not been on here (you can see that though) and so...I wanted to stop in and fill you in on life. I need to find a job...i need a place that is hiring and I have no idea where to go. I am scared. I am not use to this...pressure...ya know? Help! so I have to go to bed so I can sleep. good night to you all.

best friend attach! (:

2011-07-31T13:19:00.000-07:00

you my friend, are wonderful(: i'm really glad that dredful place we called Christinas made us the bestest of friends. you the one person i know i can count on.. you are there for anyone, your such a kinda hearted person (besides the fact you are fake). haa. your extreamly random and can handle my crazy self. im really glad we became bffs; i have fun with you.. and ive learned so many from you- such as how to drive in indy. (: you showed me a new church that i love, and interduced me to my wonderful boyfriend. THANK YOU for that. the next three days are going to be wonderful in the house full of 7 dogs, 4 cats, a bunny, and a fish. and i hope we both do amazingly on our finals tomorrow.

&& i love you! <3

brandy.

Im a dino RAWR

2011-06-22T21:07:00.000-07:00

Sorry I have been neglecting my loved fans on here. I have been busy with the dear matt blog and I have been trying to finish beauty school. I will post more tomorrow but Until then tootles:)

OH MY GOOOOOOSSSEEE GRADUATION!

2011-05-23T11:08:00.000-07:00

So like graduation is in 5 days and I am so freaking out:) Lol! I have been recieveing new letters for the drphiphi site and I have been trying to think of some good advice for you girls out there...or boys but mostly girls have responded. So guys how scary is it that senior year is like seriously almost over? I just have to pass government! If I dont I wont graduate....please pray I pass! I have nothing for now guys and I am sorry. I have work to get done so I will talk to you all like tomorrow or something.
<3Phi

Counting Sheep in my dreams

2011-05-16T12:57:00.000-07:00

So How is everyone liking the blog? Not as good as this one? Better? Leave me you comments. I am actually shocked at all the inbox letters I have recieved. I am working on them guys just give me time and check daily. So I am really excited about this job thing:) The one at mastercuts! So imagine me, Phi, chatting about life and the other things to my clients and talking their ears off haha as I cut there hair and tell them about hair care! Oh its so awesome:) And I have a 4 to 5 year wait for my guy to graduate so I have decided to make a list of things to do and work on before he comes back home.
1.) cooking skills (as I need to leanr better because I dont want him to do all the cooking all the time! I'd be the wife and probably get home before him a lot and I want to have a hot meal for him.)
2.) Designing skills (as in how to properly design a room to look more classy, grown up ect....)
3.) Save money for us to get started on. (ok so It would be easier to have money saved for us to use when married instead of like not having any and starting out.)
4.) add more to my box (a box of future supplies that will be needed as we begin life.)
5.) get my license in esthetics, nail techs, cosmetology, and maybe shoot for instructors
6.) bond even closer to God
7.) Possible business courses out of the way
8.) come up with more surprises for him (aww)
9.) get an idea on a house price so when ready for the moment we will know what we are getting ourselves into.
10.) bonding closer to him even though he is far away (ok like 2 hours but still!)

Does any of that sound bogus??? I want to be ready, well unless he decides to move on, not ready, or whatever after he gets home from being there. But I comepletely trust him and I will be able to see him when he is home and even go visit and if we have skype and I am working on a blog for him. Not for him to blog on but a blog dedicated to him. To keep him positive, encouraged, and to know that he is loved by me and I will always be here for him whenever and at whatever time he needs me or someone to talk to. He is seriously my best friend and I wouldn't want anyone else. He has helped me and he has encouraged me. I love him.
<3 Phi

NEW BLOG!

2011-05-10T18:29:00.000-07:00

Ok guys the new blog is up and running. I will continue with my life on this one but I am writing on the other ones for those who need the help or just someone to listen. I already had 1 email:) so please continue and I would love to just help or just to post it secretly for you. I promise no names but I will post your message if that is ok.
Thanks guys! come check it
www.drphiphi.blogspot.com

<3 phi

Dark Hair and underwear??

2011-05-10T16:50:00.000-07:00

Starting today I am going to be doing a story series and I would love for my readers to give me ideas. I would love for you to email me these ideas to my email peachiegurl2011@hotmail.com I have asked for your help but no one has given me ideas yet. When my story is complete, I will post it to my blog as Part 1 or Chapter 1. Then when I post it tell me whether you love it or you hate it and I will make multiple changes to it. I have been meaning to get the readers involved some how. Also I am opening a new blog tonight which will be a ask and I will try to help type thing. I love helping people and I love giving advice so I will be making that and posting the link on my blog later on. I will try to get it open before 9pm tonight so if you guys have an issue you should def think of it and then send me your problems. (This is for fun and for help so please note that I am not a pro at advice or helping you over come your mental issue but I will try my best to be a guide or to show you a guide who will help you through all those hard times :Our GOD. )
<3 Phi

A letter to my beloved

2011-05-09T15:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Matthias,
When I woke up this morning, you were the first thing on my mind. When I lay down at night you are my last sleep after my prayer to God for us to make it just a few more years. College is getting closer and soon it will be the night before life goes on, but I will always be here for you. I will always be waiting and I promise to call, skype, email, visit, text or whatever just to keep in touch with you to make these few years slide by. I know I am not the most amazing girl out there nor the prettiest. I know that in a blink of an eye you could move on. I know that maybe someday you could be mine to hold til the day I die. I just want to make this work for us. I want us to continue growing in love and in compassion and to keep our focus on the one that brought us into eachothers lives and that is our God. We need to keep him our focus our we will lose ourselves as well. Your kisses make me smile but at the same time sad to know that it could be the last as well as the only i will get for so many periods of time until I see you again. It is so hard to say goodbye to you when we part but knowing that its not forever makes it a little easier. Im trying to be the best girlfriend you could have. I am trying to remember to just be me and to be the one and only girl you fall in love with. You amaze me everyday because I see you blossoming out of your shyness. I can see it in your eyes when you are with me that you are becoming the most amazing man in my life and that you love me. I know I cant express the love I have for you completely yet but the day I get to will be proof enough to you that I am so madly in love with you. *wipes tears and blows nose* (I am actually like crying right now but not because I am sad. ) I just love you so much and I have never had a love like this before ever and I dont want to lose you. I would be the stupidest girl in the world if I lost your love. Please promise me to remembe me when you move to your next step in life. Also, remember that I love you and I am going to do what I can to prepare myself for us and our future. I am going to practice cooking, and save up money, and have the small things we need to start life ready and in a box, our box. I know its so corny but this box is going to be the most random thing you can even think of. I love you so much sweetie. With all of my heart (which you hold in your hands). Thank you for showing me true love and compassion. Thank you for our relationship. I cant wait until it gets to bloom even more.
love,
Phi

Taylor Swift and Penguins

2011-05-09T14:17:00.000-07:00

So I told you guys I would come back and repost some new things. I have just been so busy since ICYC that I have sorta forgotten my blog. I know right? Phi forgot Cheetahprintedzebras????Sorry:( But I promise to be as faithful to you guys as i am to most people in my life (ok everyone in my life.) So yesterday I talked about how prom went and I went on and on about it but I am jst saying that going to prom with THE GUY OF MY DREAMS was absolutely amazing!!!!!!!!!! He has been such a blessing and I found this song that reminded me of him today. I think about him non stop. Like really if I was to lose the one person on earth that I love more than anyone else, what would happen to me? I will give you a story. "Phi, I have decided that maybe you arent the girl I was suppose to be with. It has been 3 years but I feel us growing apart now instead of closer together." Matthias takes Phillisha's hand and gives her one last kiss on the top. "Mattie, I don't know what to say. I can't believe this is happening. I will do anything, I'll change. I can't breathe without you." Phillisha felt the tears forming in her dark brown eyes. "I am sorry Phi. You are my best friend but you are not the woman God has placed in my life to marry. Please understand this," Matthias hugged her one last time and walked out. Phillisha could feel her heart literally break in half. How could she let the only love she truely knew leave her in this state? How could she watch his beautiful hair bounce in the wind as he took steps to his car? Phillisha calls her friend Molly, "He is gone." "Woah Phi, who is gone?" Molly sounds confused on the end of the phone. "Molly, Matthias is gone. He left me...today. A few minutes ago. I can't be alone. I don't know what I did wrong," Phillisha could feel streams of wet tears fall down her cheek as she tells her best friend what happened. "I will be over very soon. Stay there. Are you home?" Molly asks concerned. "I am in my apartment." Phillisha awaits for her friends arrival but she couldnt handle the feeling of her heart. It felt as tough the only one in the world who truely knew her for who she was was completel removed. A whole is now left where Matthias Phillips once was. Everything reminded her of who they once were. The pictures, the memories, they eat at her like the horrible memories he had once erased from her mind. The thoughts of her past relationship made her realize that it was her. It was her fault just like the others said it was. It was her fault cory left, her fault steven acted the way he did and her fault that she lost the only guy she had truely fallen head over heels for. The thought of living without him made her lose it anymore for she had to now live alone. Loving someone else seemed impossible and so not right. "Phi, are you in there?" Molly rushed in, "I was so scared. Are you ok?" Phillisha fell to the floor sobbing ," I can't do this. I can't. I have to leave or something. There is no me without him." More sobs as she lays on the floor, her body heaving and shaking because of the pain.

See? Can't do it. I would be a big mess. Then it would go to this:

"Phillisha Varney? You have been diagnosed with depression. I am signing you some medicine and I want you to take care of yourself. If you need me, you can call my office at anytime." The doctor hands her a perscription and helps her outside. She is about 50 lbs lighter and her skin has become too fragile to even the slightest touch. It has been about a year since he walked out of her life forever and it wont be the last day of her life.

Ok so that is pretty pathetic of me right? Well thankfully, Matthias is one of those guys who isnt like the others. He stands out, he knows how to treat me with respect and he knows that he can talk to me about absolutely anything and the same with me talking to him. When I first met him I thought he was a sweet kid. Yes kid, but I didnt know he was such a gentleman. He has those sweet moments that capture my heart and brings tears of joy to my eyes. When girls say that they have found their prince and you think," yeah right." Well I have truely found MY PRINCE CHARMING. He has shown me that it was ok to fall in love at the age of 17. He has also shown me that its ok to be who God created me to be. In his eyes, he thinks I am beautiful even when I think/know I am not that day. I know what people at school say when they see me but he sees me differently. He sees me as me, not as the quiet girl who does weird hair things and hangs with the out crowd. It is nice to get those messages in the mornings that say, "Good morning beautiful. Dream any? Sleep well?" It lets me know that he is thinking about me. I love that.I love the way he loves me. I feel like a whole new person just blooming. I love it:) Some day I hope to be with my prince everyday for the rest of my life. I just have to make it 4 to 5 more years before he is home and he is ready. I honestly would wait forever if I knew he wasnt ready for a family or even for a life with me. I could handle the wait knowing that someday it would happen. I love him.

<3 phi

wow its been......forevers! PROM and PRETTY WOMAN:)

2011-05-08T20:54:00.000-07:00

Omg guys I am so sorry for not being on here in so long. I have really been busy with school and work and more school and well we all now how it is to be a senior in high school. Hey, im in love and I have more focus on him than I do my own friends sometimes. So lets recap where I left you off....

I have finally made it to only 387 hours of beauty school left.
I have made more friends and have lost some too.
Amanda is now dating Cory.
Jennifer wratten and her is Amber have become ike my new buds.
Matthias and I have been doing amazing and have started to read a book together to help our relationship stay pure for God (which you know:its so very hard because I want to be with him in every form I can but I cant because we have to stay pure in our relationship if we want to make it last. Which I do!)

Ok so prom was yesterday and I am super tired but: I went to Pioneer and it was AWESOME! I got to spend my focus on the one person I wanted to focus on and that was Matthias. I love him so much. He has helped me in so many situations and ways. But anyway: we went skating for afterprom...Phi+ roller skates= EPIC FAIL!!!! But, i had a blast! More than last year!

I have a good relationship with my father and my mother was not thrilled at all. I mean he is my dad and I have the right to know who he is and why I should allow him to be in my life right? We had dinner a few weeks ago and Jeanie and Matthias went with me and it was amazing! Very emotional. He is coming to graduation in 3 weeks!

I have found out that this year, I am HORRIBLE when it comes to governemnt:)

I havent had too many drama moments but enough to kill the mood of a good day (if you know what I mean>)
well I am gonna go! Ill blog in oh...a few days (which goes to weeks...then months haha)

<3 Phi

ICYC!!

2010-11-19T14:17:00.000-08:00

So I am on the bus headed to icyc. Which is the best place to bond with God and its just very amazing to witness what God does in the lives of others. Its really fun to just hang with other christians and celebrate and praise the king who is worthy of all our praise. God is good all the time. I am having a hard time right now and I have to just put all my trust in God and just trust him to handle this situation. The situation is my dad whoisn't really a dad at all. He is just someone who wants me to forgive him so I won't sue for all the child support he owes me. Which is a total of 18 years. Thanks dad. Its not very fun bc he just doesn't care for me or love me and I didn't do anything to deserve the way he treats me and mom. I don't know what to do and I'm stuck in a hole. A big hole...bigger than the universe. I don't know.

play these:)

2010-11-15T14:27:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbcgyPtYBY0&feature=topvideos

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pU4w1F1PMc4&feature=related

Holy Cow why haven't I been blogging?

2010-11-15T13:58:00.000-08:00

You all think I have just up and left you dont you? Well here are some updates: I have been dating the most charming Matthias Phillips for 9 months and 1 day today:) My birthday is coming up on Friday! I have been very busy in doing some things like CLIENTS' HAIR! Yep I am official on the floor of Christina's and Company Educational Center located off of 26 on Meijer Drive Lafayette Indiana! I am oober excited because I have a total of 600 hours out of my needed 1500 to graduate! I am hoping to be done by July of 2011:) I love beauty school but the summer with limited connections to my friends and my boyfriend is going to be hard to go through. I am not dreading college as much anymore...Matthias has helped me realize that I wont lose him over something stupid and that he loves me...I mean really loves me. I have never had a guy tell me he loves me and actually mean it. I mean Cory was just another guy who told me he loved me and then later told me he only loved me as his little sister (which to be completely honest....it wouldnt have worked to begin with.) I am so glad I have Matthias in my life. He is the best thing that has happened. You know if I lose him ever...I will never love again (unless someone proves to me that they arent all the same) Matthias has proved me wrong about men and guys for 9 months...and I trust him with my life. Im nervous though...he asked for a haircut and he is my biggest critic so if it is horrible he will never let me do it again:( So everyone right now keep me in your prayers that I do a good haircut on him tomorrow (without an instructor) ahhhhh!

pork burgers, cheese fries, and a little silly music

2010-09-08T14:56:00.000-07:00

court school and a little bit of carmel

2010-08-19T09:13:00.000-07:00

Permed Poodles drinking Pepsi

2010-07-05T18:57:00.000-07:00

Hey it has been a long time since my last blog...I have had tons of fun at beauty school (if you are wondering.) We are doing perms this week....and since Matthias is away until Friday, I am going to try to keep occuppied lol. There is hardly anyone who actually texts me besides him and those are the ones who ask random questions...but that is like very rare. Here is a scary thought : Matthias is meeting my family on Saturday. Don't get me wrong I love my family but some of them I am not so sure about. Long stories I would rather not blog online. Overall I think he will have fun (I am hoping.) I am super excited to spend some time with him considering how busy he has been (I like that though because it means he isnt completely lazy!) Which I never thought he was to begin with. I miss him so much:( So a brighter side...I am getting a new phone august 1st!!! I will have the same number and unlimited texting and picture mail/ internet and its going to be a touch screen (Ok I know I said I would never get one but they have a blackberry!) So it changed my mind lol! =) So give me some blog ideas in an e-mail.... bc I am running out of Titles and Ideas! Life isnt that completely awesome (until school .....and boyfriend time but that is personal sorry!) So like e-mail me at
peachiegurl2011@hotmail.com

I will love hearing some of your ideas:)
Love
Phi

Beauty School and Toad Stools?!?!?!?

2010-06-23T20:28:00.000-07:00

It has been such a long time and I know that I keep telling you that I will blog like every night but in all reality its like 3 times a month now (which is so pathetic.) So I think the last post I made was about 3 weeks ago when I was in Louisville with my mom....well since then I started beauty school at Christina's and Company Educational Center. I am trying to get beauty school and Business courses out of the way so that I can focus on getting a career, having a family, and owning my own place someday. That is like my goal in life. Of course with something as big as this you have to throw in a side effect: I haven't been very free recently due to tests and school and so my friends have all pretty much just vanished.I offer plans and they all have excuses like "Im taking *fill in dog name here* to the vet," or, "My dad said no but he has no reason," or, " Im going to be with my man *insert quotations*"...honestly its so pointless to like try to do things with them so I have been making plans with some of my new friends and of course leaving PLENTY of time for my amazing boyfriend. So now they are mad because I am now busy between school, new friends, and Mattie and its stressing my out because some of my friends are like really upset that I have been hanging with new people and that I dont send them too many messeges a day because I have no time in a day to hang out. I feel awful for being soooo busy but I mean it is part of life and growing up...ya know? I can honestly say that I am completely happy with school and I know that when High School starts up again I will have tons of things to do but it wouldnt be any different if I was in Gueard again. One of my closest friends made it sound like I will fail my senior year because I am going to be too busy for school work and that I am lazy. I am not a lazy person and that was like really hurtful. I try my best to do what needs to be done to pass and graduate. I am going to be putting in more time when floor hours start so that I can graduate early. I want to finish and know that I tried my best and have accomplished what I wanted to do. I love working with the people there....they are all very awesome and I wouldnt trade in any summer for this one (well except my mexico years bc I wanna go back so bad.) I enjoy working with the hair and nails...facials made my skin feel so good but like it was all just icky bc your face felt kinda oily and I hate that feeling. Pedi's were nice today...meranda and dmitri were awesome lol! I am missing matthias so very much right now. I wonder if he misses me or thinks about me as often as I have since he has been to California. Sounds like he is having a good time there with his family though. I mean its better than being here where it is flooding and raining every night :( Its like lame weather man!
Phi

Pine Cones, Thorn Bushes, and a Little Romance

2010-06-02T10:16:00.000-07:00

Hey there blog readers,
Thought I would tell you that I am feeling much better since yesterday's blog. I am not so much depressed and upset like I was yesterday. I am normally a very happy person and I don't find it easy to become somewhat depressed....I mean honestly I am very happy. Even more happy with God in my life and the guy of my dreams in my life as well...what would I do without him there? Without both of them there? I would be in a corner rocking back and forth. I am not even lying. I could see it now *goes into a day dream* Ok nevermind...I have been doing some soul searching about myself and I have realized that I feel fat when in reality not very many people see the flaws that I see when I look into the mirror. I see a girl with huge fat rolls and when I am sitting down...I feel it too. But you know what, I have got to get over it. This is how God made me :A little heavy set and beautiful. I just wish I was as gorgeous as queen latifa is. Have you seen her?It's like she is way too comfortable with herself and her body and I wish I had that type of woman power. Honestly...I am so excited about trying to gbe comfortable with myself...I need some encouragement because I tend to get annoyed when trying to slender down. Maybe I should Join some YOGA classes! How cool would that be? It would be stinking awesome!!!!! Ok well I am gonna close this blog until later...like later later...
Phi

Confused in a Day Dream

2010-06-01T13:28:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been so happy but so confused all at the same time? Have you ever noticed when life seems to be tough things get tougher and then you become so stressed that you can't seem to straighten it all out and when you think something is going so great and wonderful, it does a complete u-turn (an illegal one at that.) I cant seem to get anything straight right now. My relationship is going great and so is Summer...but I think something is out of place (or so it seems.) I can't really figure out what is going on right now. It's like I am happy about life but I feel like I have been shutting God out and I really am trying not to. I really don't know how to move out of the rut I am in. I am like stuck and my relationship with God isn't moving....it's like maybe I am not trying hard enough to get closer to him. I wish I could figure out a way to get closer without feeling like I am trying to be perfect. I'm slowly losing things in my life and I can't stop that either. I don't know why I am blogging this...I mean you guys don't need to read about my issues...I should try to become a better blogger. I should be premoting world peace and love! I should be loading all of my new stories and poems. I should be telling you that I am in love and I feel like I am creeping him out. I feel like maybe I am pushing too much on to him so how do I love him without smothering him? I only see him maybe 3 times a week, but I won't be seeing him that often this summer. He says he has a secret to tell me but the time isn't right yet....it could be good or bad depending on how I take it and I might have to be worried. That kind of scares me because for those of you who know me...I have self esteem problems and not knowing if its bad or good is like killing me. You know all the "What If's" are running through my mind...ok pep talk now
"Phi, calm down. Stop thinking about it...if it is really bad then you will be ok. You have been through bad things before...but if it is really good, you will feel like an idiot for worring about something so dumb. This is MATTHIAS we are talking about. What's the worst that can happen?"
"I can think of tons of things that could happen. Like...maybe he will see that I am not as smart and awesome as him and he will come to his senses and then realize that he could probably do better than me."
"But why would he do that? He loves you...he tells you he loves you and that he wishes he was with you. He even talks about kissing you."
"Yeah, you are right. But anything is possible."
"With God...all things are possible. This boy seems perfect for you. He seems like he is really serious about you unless you have issues with a boy being so crazy for you that you would doubt him and his love."
"I am not doubting him and his love for me. I would never doubt him...Ilove him. I trust him."
ok enough arguing with myself...that is always going through my mind...I have issues. God has placed the most amazing guy in my life...and since him, life has been a lot better. He always makes me happy. It's like this: The thought of losing him breaks my heart into a million pieces. I am not quite sure I could handle that right now anyway. I mean I would if I have to but I am really hoping and praying that I won't ever have to. Love is like a battlefield. Love is a marathon, that's why you get tired so fast of everyone. Slow down, and pace yourself. When it's good, its a long open road. Isn't that so true? I am so tired of like everyone talking about how the perfect prince charming doesn't exist. He does...you just have to look for him. You can't be like, "Oh Ill date any hobo out there." (No offense to hobos...) but my point is: you can't say he is real if you arent waiting for the right guy. Some girls don't know how to wait for the right guy...heck some girls dont even care who they date, as long as they have someone. That makes me so disappointed in girls all over the world. I have a friend who will date pretty much anyone as long as he pays attention to her. Let me rant because she is dating this guy whom she has dated about 2 times before now. He lies to her, he is a creep...yet she doesnt care because he claims to "love" her. UGH! I honestly might just barf. I can't believe that she actually believes him...and maybe he does love her. Maybe he believes that its love when in reality, its lust. He asked her when they could have sex....that is a given that all he wants is to sleep with her. I cant get over this mess. And then we have my very pregnant friend. She is heartbroken bc her baby's dad doesnt want her anymore. she continues to throw herself at him while he tells her that he is just tired of it. I have seen her beg to him for the past 2-3 years. LITERALLY BEG HIM! She would throw herself at him and then he would like not care or it would be the opposite. He would beg her and she wouldnt care. What kind of love is that because to me that is just DUMB! Ugh:( I hate to see my 2 friends constantly hurting themselves for what they think is love. I am in love, he is the best thing that has happened to me. I really mean that. I haven't loved someone like this. I dont even think I would call my past a past with love. He was more of a jerk than I thought and I am glad that I have Mattie. Sorry to those who think prince charming isn't real...because I have found him.
Phi

Long Time Since Last Blog!

2010-04-16T18:58:00.000-07:00

I feel HORRIBLE for not blogging sooner! I am so sorry readers. I would love to say that I have juicy stories and advice for you tonight but I dont...well...not really anyway. So today I lost my ipod (due to death). Meaning: it will never agian turn on because it has had it. I have had it for about 3 years now so its time for it to at least freeze up some but no...it died! Um...what else haven't I told you yet...Youth sunday has recently passed (April 11th) It was very nice! The worship turned out lovely and we all had a good time putting it together! I bought New Moon on DVD! LOL:) Oh! Ok so this little girl named Daisey and she knows no english and she is SOOOOOOO CUTE!!! Molly and I played candyland with her and her sister and their friends today...so much fun. I couldnt imagine being surrounded by kids who spoke a different language than me and I couldnt understand them...that is what she is going through. Poor thing:( Honestly:( Its kinda sad..ok not kinda like mega! But anyway thats all I have for you tonight:( Sorry guys if that is disappointing...I will blog longer tomorrow
Phi

Splintered!

2010-03-22T10:03:00.000-07:00

I am watching this weird movie with mom called 'Splintered" and it is really dumb so far. It is suppose to be about this group of friends who like goies into the words for camping and get freaked out by some creepy monster dude, who is like a creep but kinda hott lol! Anyway, I am totally missing Mattie right now and I cant see him for another like....5 days:( But when we see eachother it will be the most amazing time together ever. I enjoy being here away from home and everyone there except for Matthias. I miss his smile and the goofy way he laughs and the way he always makes me smile and forget things that are bothering me. With him there is never a dull moment. Honestly he just make me feel more like myself than anyone I know. I think about how life was before him...I was this depressed girl from Burlington Indiana who had a few friends and tons of drama. With him its like my focus is directed more on God because he always keeps me on my toes. With him, I am happy and more open to him...I am more myself with him around. I dont know what I would do without him. I would really not be who I am today. To be completely random: I am sitting here listening to my baby brother breathe and he sounds really sick and it scares me. He smiles and giggles over tiny things but I know deep inside he is probably suffering with the Down Syndrome. It scares me...I am scared for him. They give him until the age of 5...I dont know how to take it, Should I be scared? Should I be depressed? Or should I be happy that he wont be suffering anymore than what he has to? Ive never thought about losing a sibling before...the thought is very frightening. I want to sit in a room with him snuggling close to me and crying. He has chnged me because I look at people with illnesses and down syndrome more different than I did before him. He is an angel and a blessing. He is truely a guardian angel to me. He said his first b word today...it was "BOOBS" and my mom just died laughing because it was so random and unexpected. So now he keeps saying it over and over again. It was the funniest thing ever! No we are trying to find something else because this movie is not vvery good...its kind of blah. Instead we are watching "The Dead One" It has the guy who plays as Fez in it. So I am closing this blog with that
Phi

Ping Pong and Bob the Builder

2010-03-19T19:52:00.000-07:00

It is FINALLY spring break and I am hanging with my mom, norman, and siblings for the week! Buying my prom dress tomorrow and a new hair style for going back to school (i need one). We are watching The Breakfast Club. I am havin super fun but missing my Mattie:( But I get to see him in 8 days:) Thats a plus and also it will be the best night ever! I just know it:) Im gonna close this until later...LOVE YOU MATTHIAS PHILLIPS and of course my buds:)

Cupcakes and Kisses

2010-03-15T17:09:00.000-07:00

I should really try to blog more often. So next week is SPRING BREAK!!!!! I am mega excited about that although I wouldn't mind it this week because today was an aweful start to my week:( I dont know it was just one of those days where everything and everyone was "blah." Well...except for Mattie. He is always in a good mood. Its the best thing ever. So it was like Amanda was mad...molly was confused...Jenkins was confused...Toni was weird...and then everyone else was just blah. So Toni's new hair style was one I was talking about getting after prom and she came to school with it. How crazy is that?!?!? So I dont want to go get the same style bc she has it and it would look like I coppied her:( Makes me sad...Ugh sad face:( Im just tired of my split ends...they are fried and it makes my hair all gross looking:( So I am up for suggestions!
Phi

Sweet Sweet Time

2010-03-02T13:53:00.000-08:00

Sorry it has been so long since I have last blogged. As most people know by now I am dating that amazing guy I always end up talking about. I couldnt be happier (well unless God came now and took me to heaven of course) but you guys know what I mean. It is just so different with him, I dont have to worry about getting hurt, I dont have to worry about pressure from him. It's like a big weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I can finally breathe! I mean it is a nice feeling knowing that he loves me for me and he is willing to take things REALLY REALLY slow because I think he is serious about us and I am serious about us too. I don't know...I guess its just amazing to say that I have found what some girls are willing to pass up for someone else. He is such a sweetheart and like the first guy to call me beautiful and like mean it. God has been so good to me for putting him into my life. He is a strong christian guy (just what I was looking for!) and he knows what he wants in his life and he puts God first. I have been praying for someone like him in my life and now that he is here I am not letting go. I don't want to mess up what him and I have now and to come in the future. I like taking my sweet sweet time with him because he is just as nervous as I am. We have nothing to be afraid of though. We are waitin til marriage and we are both strong followers of christ. I love his mom and dad and brothers...they are such a great family full of love and care and support for eachother. He makes me laugh when I have had a rough day at school. He is like a stress reliever...he knows how to help and lighten the mood a little. Plus he is really random and I love that about him...I love how random he is...it makes me laugh. And then he pulls the cute sweet card without realizing it and I love that about him to. I fall for him a little more each day and the thought of losing that is like a stinging pain in my chest. I dont even want to think about that because I have a really good feeling about it this time. This isnt just a relationship...its not just dating to date and fit in. It's something we both are looking for and are serious about and I have never felt this way to a guy before ever. His dad asked me how I was gonna make time for him and my answer is simple "How can I not? I really care about him...I dont go like 1 minute without thinking about him or talking about him." I sound crazy because I am only 17 but that number really means nothing. My advice to all the girls crying over some loser guy right now : Wait it out and move on...you will find someone ALOT better than the guy who broke your heart. It seems nearly impossible but I promise you it can and will happen if you pray to God about it and just keep an open and positive mind/attitude about dating. Its hard to just get over someone but when you really fall in love and I mean REALLY fall in love...you will know it and you wont want to lose him.
Phi
Dating is worth the wait...go into it serious minded and pray to God about it. He will show you what to do.

Only Few Wishes (Poem 4)

2010-02-20T17:27:00.000-08:00

I looked up.
I saw the moon,
I saw the moon in the sky.
I made a wish,
I made a wish to be with you.
I looked down.
I saw a butterfly.
I saw a butterfly on a flower,
I made a wish,
I made a wish to be with you.
I looked to the right.
I saw a rose,
I saw a rose with dew drops.
I made a wish,
I made a wish to be with you.
I looked to the left.
I saw a dandelion,
I saw a dandelion on the lawn.
I made a wish,
I made a wish to be with you.
I look straight ahead.
I see you,
I see you right here in front of me.
I made a wish,
I made a wish and it came true.

Will You? (Poem 3)

2010-02-20T17:16:00.000-08:00

Hold me tight when I ask you?
Be there when I need you?
Help me when I need a clue?
Always give me love I seek?
Kiss me gently on my cheek?
Catch me when my knees go weak?
Wipe away my every tear?
Whisper softly in my ear?
Tell me sweet things I love to hear?
Rock me to sleep and play with my hair?
Show me how much you really care?
Never stop being there?
Open your heart and give it to me?
Say I'm the only one with a key?
Consider my feelings and agree?
Tell me I'm special in every way?
Tell me you love me when there is nothing to say?
Never forget my love grows for you each day?

Phi 12-30-09

I Love You! (Poem 2)

2010-02-20T17:08:00.000-08:00

I love you.
I never really knew you.
You were just another friend,
but when I knew you my heart began to unbend.
I've fallen in love with you,
I'll never let you go.
I love you and had to let you know.
If you're wondering why:
My feelings for you are true.
My heart beats for no one but you.
My feelings will never change.
Remember this:
I love you!

Phi 12-26-09

Future Husband (Poem 1)

2010-02-20T16:36:00.000-08:00

Lord I know there is someone,
in this world for me.
Keep him safe from harm,
and temptation, help him flee.

Make him a leader,
who can guide me through the years.
Give him a loving arm to hold me,
and dry all my tears.

Mold him to be a father,
as you have been to me.
Keep him by my side,
a right arm he will forever be.

Cause his love for you to grow,
and a true doctrine let him know.
And in his life forever,
let your light always show.

Place him in the ministry,
so more can hear God's word.
And when trials come,
help us praise you Lord.

Give him a compassion,
for those who are orphaned.
And to such as these,
our home will always be open.

Finally Lord I ask you,
help him keep himself.
Because a christian man like this,
is valued above great wealth.

Phi 11-21-09

Proofs and Tigerlily

2010-02-09T16:05:00.000-08:00

This is going to be a serious blog (shocker) because I couldnt serious blog when Steph was visiting because she makes me smile and laugh. Anyway I have basically been thinking alot about life recently. I know what I want to do for the future but I am not so sure I am going to be ready to leave behind somethings like the people in my life right now. I mean college will be great (I hope) and I am sure I can cope and manage with meeting new friends but I am kinda nervous I guess, about leaving people at home behind. What would happen if I like came back and everyone changed while I was gone. Like what if Matthias met a girl who made him happy and they fall in love and things would be way different...or what if Molly's parents actually decide to move away and she attends like Wisconsin University? Honestly how could I deal with that? I guess the way I deal with bad things...Id go to God with prayer of course and stay focused on him to make it through but think about it...it is a scary thought and Im not even dating Matthias. I shouldnt be worried about that anyway but if it happens like that then I guess there was a reason behind it and I would be happy for him while behind my brown and oh so fake happy eyes I would be sad and possibly hurt for what could only possibly be my own fault.But even if I stay behind and go to college here..all those things can happen anyway. itd just be sad if it did. But anyway I am suppose to be blogging my proofs and reasons for Mattie as to why he is way cuter than I am which is basically this:
Almost the first word that comes out of any girls' mouth when you ask the question "so matthias?" is this ," he is such a cutie and a sweetheart." Which is really true. I have never met a guy like you, Mattie, and I am pretty lucky when it comes to you. I honestly can say I have never been so sure in my whole life that you were that perfect guy on my list until we really got to know eachother. YOU ARE CUTE<>
I dont know if that even counts as proof but I did post it online for everyone to read and I know that there are people out there who read my blog and I just found out today that a good friend of mine reads everytime she knows I posted. But as I was saying earlier...I am suppose to be posting some poems and I havent made anytime and I feel like a horrible person for not keeping my promise like I should be doing. If tomorrrow is another snow day (and it will be) I will post as many as I can for you guys to read and if you like them then let me know and I will continue writing more. If not I can take a hint that my poems arent that great and I will not post them for people all over the world to read. Thank you guys who do read and keep my updated on how you like my blog or maybe some ideas...I was thinking about writing a blog on each of my friends and readers so if you are a reader please let me know and you will eventually find your name as a post. Thank you guys so very much
Phi

Blizzard and Frozen Snow Men?!?!?!

2010-02-05T20:24:00.000-08:00

Chillin wit my coz Stephanie (who is gonna be snowed in INDIANA HAHAHAHAHAHA:)) She fears my torture ...jk! So we are like watching it snow (kinda) and waiting to make snowmen tomorrow! *Does happy dance in the computer chair* Anyway, it has been ....FOREVER since I last blogged (like..beginning of the week??) but still for me that is a long time so sorry for the neglect I have had towards my blog * gets charged for neglect* but anyway (which I notice I say alot...) hmm...here is a BA picture for you all :)

How awesome is that? Stephanie loves it! In fact she noticed (before I did) that the snowman was holding the heart in its hand...haha! We found some really awkward pictures of snowmen too...just trust us you will want to delete your mind of the creeps who load pics like those! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA:) Ok serious subject time....I am gonna blog a poem sometime tonight of tomorrow (depending on how much I feel like typing I guess) and that is a shocker because I havent done that yet and I have promised I would for a really long time now...so *happy dance* Also I .....(wait for it).....PASSED MATH! Woot- Woot:)

Wow I have never blogged fun in like a long time...its always about my super adorable boy (space) friend mattie <3>

<3phi

John Mayer and Mt. Dew Baja!

2010-01-30T20:19:00.000-08:00

I am just chilling... writing new poems and listening to John Mayer right now:) He is such an amazing artist dont ya think? Anways, I have so much in my life that is going on and I don't know how to like sort through it all ya know? I mean I honestly have never been this happy and confused before. Let me explain some of it...I have this friend who is going through a really rough time right now in her life and I (for the first time ever) have no idea how to help her out because she is kinda opposite of me when it comes to these things. Basically its this: there is this guy she is really good friends with and she fell in love with him. Now the guy is like kinda mean to her and she is really upset about it because he basically doesn't care. See if I was her I would pray about it and try to move on and just do the "hi" and "bye" thing and go on with my life. She says she can't which I guess I have to be her to understand. I tend to hide my emotions and feelings...I do it very well. Days that I am the most depressed are the days I seem the happiest (until recently). What I mean by recently: for the past year I have become more and more open wih my feelings. I try not to bottle up all my feelings unless I would rather not cry in front of someone. Its completely hard to fall in (and out) of love when you know how easily someone can change their mind about you or their feelings for you. True love is what you really want in your life. That is the special love. The kind of love where you get butterflies when you see that special someone's smiling face or how you tell them every little detail about you and your life to them because you know that they are there to listen to you. Or how much you trust them because you feel like you cant tell anyone else what is going on in your life. It's so funny how you can really be open to the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with without even realizing that you told them more about yourself then what you told your friend. Some guys seem too good to be true and you question them and judge them based off of EX BOYFRIENDS. That is ESACTLY what they are...they are exs' and you can't compare them to the guys you are interested in now. I mean that is not fair for the guy who is possibly in love with you. I mean think about it: how would you like to be compared to the ex of your boyfriend? You wouldnt. He is nothing like what you had and yet you tell yourself he is going to be just like every loser that you have ever dated when in realization he probably isnt at all. My advice to the girls out there is to give this guy a chance. Dont compare him to your ex no matter how many times you run through your mind that he will never be that great or greater. And guys: please dont be like every guy in the world. For the sake of all the girls' who have had their hearts broken...be yourself and show them the love that you feel. I know how hard it is to be sure someone isnt going to hurt you (girls) but you have to give them a chance to prove you wrong. I guess I find myself doing that or saying : he cant be that serious about me," or," he must think I am a creep." I constantly worry that I am going to scare someone off. When Cory left I thought I would never find anyone who could replace my feelings I had for him. It didnt even seem real when he left me. I felt numb and cold and hurt and I cried for hours and like days (in secret). I acted as though I wasn't bothered or hurt by it but in reality I was completely shattered. I take dating very seriously and I thought that he was the guy. I thought that he wasnt like every guy out there until he proved to me he was. He made me feel like it was my fault that he walked out of our relationship until I thought about it. I mean REALLY thought about it. How could it have been me when I gave him my heart and I loved him? How could I have caused him to leave me? I didnt hurt him....I was truthful with him. But thinking about the times we didnt get completely along or the times that my religion and love for God caused him to feel weird around me made me realize that I can do better and to try again. I picked up my pieces of heart on the floor and put them in a secret box. I prayed so hard that God would help me through it and he did. In less than 3 weeks I was feeling alot better about myself. Thats when I decided it was time for a change and that I wanted to help girls everywhere in the world who are going through this now. It hurts...it does but you have to move on. You basically have to pray and tell yourself that God is in control and it is going to be ok. There are others out there who will hold the pieces of your heart and not hurt you but help put them together and never let go. I just pray that I am not pushing away the one person I want to be with because of fear of love or maybe I am pushing too much at him and that also scares me. I keep praying that God shows me the right things to say and do...its just when I am around or talking to (dont have to say his name because he knows who he is) him..I feel like I dont have to hide my feelings or emotions. There are so many signs that we belong together that it is UNBELIEVABLE! But I dont know what he feels...or if he even feels anything for me at all. Im scared to find out because the outcome could swing either way. If I know him like I think I do, he wont hurt me. He will be completely honest with me and he will let me know when he is ready for dating or if he thinks someone else would be better for him. Im not saying Im not good enough but I cant make him like me. I cant make him love me. And I cant make him feel the same way I do for him. Its a hard concept to put in your mind but you have to. I mean it wouldnt be right to try to make someone love you when in reality they love someone else. I guess my point in this blog is simple (and yet not)...wait for the right person. Don't waste dating on someone you wouldnt consider spending forever with. Wait for the true love and not for the teen love. Wait for the person who gives you butterflies, makes you smile, and kisses you in the rain or snow. And most importantly will love you for you and not for who they want you to be. Put God first and he will show you what you should do. Put God last and you will see yourself making all the wrong choices.

Phi

P.S. John Mayer really opens up my mind to blog...I should thank him sometime

THANK YOU JOHN C. MAYER FOR THE INSPIRATION IN THIS BLOG!

Dinosaur Eggs?!?!?!

2010-01-11T18:36:00.000-08:00

Havent blogged in a while and I am sorry guys:( I have been very busy with guard practices and school and then church that I havent had time to come up with a good blog topic. The last time I blogged I think I basically just talked about random things or maybe those are just all my blogs, but anyway I have no topic again today so I will just tell you about this Saturday:) So we have the first EVER (For Carroll) Winter Guard Contest at Decatur this Saturday (January 16th) I am mega super stoked. Our routine is VERY B.A. The song we are using is called "Fireflies" by Owl City (which is such a catchy song!) I am just ready to get things together so that I can post pics of us in our uniforms so you can see how awesome we are! Its alot easier compared to Color Guard. So I guess you could say that I am like addicted to Guard (which is so fun!) Its also a sport and is hard to do sometimes. Like memorizing the work or trying to do a move that you almost die trying to do haha, and even sometime when you think you wont hurt; you wake up feeling aches in places you never knew existed! (not meaning to sound gross or weird) but basically Guard is like super Awesome. I am kinda wanting to go into it after high school (which I don't know where I will be attending yet) but I might try a college marching band/ color guard thing. I think it would be way way cool to use bigger flags or even more props because we can't afford anything at our school. I mea nwe dont even have rifles or new flag silks. We had to use the same flags as last year:( But then this year we got random flag silks from our coreographer (spelling?) So I will keep you updated with our ratings from our contests....as well as everything else I rant about. Oh I wrote a song today....I dont really know what to call it but it is very inpirational and upbeat. Its very happy too (kinda like me)!!!! I can't really blog now (my grandma is like standing in the hallway watching me and it is making me nervous!) haha anyway...I just feel bad for not updating when I know you guys would love to read about my amazingness and my awesome life( including those awesome friends and that one really super amazing guy). Which BTW: its going great. I think we were on FB chat talking for like 4-6 hours on our snow day. I ifnally have prom things organized I just have to get the dress and have May 8th come quicker than what it is. I am really excited about prom. Im going with one of my best friends and it makes things way better (especially since I like him alot!) so I guess we will wait til then and see how things go:) Which I am so not worried because he is very respectful and sweet! I can't think of anyone I would rather go with. You know I am very blessed and I keep noticing things God has done for me in my life and the little things he has shown me. He is so amazing and awesome! So I am gonna close on that statement/ fact: GOD IS WAY WAY WAY COOL! GOD = LOVE<3
<3>

An Open Mind and Hot Tea!

2010-01-03T17:11:00.000-08:00

School tomorrow and I am so not looking forward to it but then again I am:) I miss some of my buds...but I am not looking forward to homework:( So today has been interesting...I rearranged my room and then like organized everything. I threw away most of my old notebooks and stories I wrote because I didnt like them:( I am sorta tired I will blog tomorrow to make up for tonight:)
<3phi

Goodbye 2009 and Hello Sweet 2010!

2010-01-01T12:52:00.000-08:00

I am proud to say that 2009 is finally over! *does happy dance around computer* I mean honestly I need a fresh start and what better to begin a fresh start with a fresh new year!?!?! So I stayed up til 4:47 am this morning with Rachel, Amanda, Molly, and Crystal and I am so tired. It was way worth it though. Basically we played games all night then watched A Walk to Remember (and cried) lol! It was a lot of fun. So I am not looking forward to school Monday...I mean I miss people who go there but I really am gonna miss this break. It was a good ending to the year 2009. Like I said in yesterday's blog...I am gonna make this the best year. I mean...senior year is coming up in August and why not leave Carroll feeling accomplished! I also want to work on my spiritual walk with God. I am very very excited to see his plans for me this year! It could be anything...but he comes first in my life so I am ready for whatever happens. " God will bless us, and all the ends of the earth will fear him- Psalm 67:7" If you fear anything...fear God. He is almighty and your life is in his hands....with this thought in mind...I am gonna pray about everything before I make any decisions this year. He would never put you in danger...you have a choice and he gives the choices to you. So trust God. 2010 is gonna be one of the many best years if we make it that way. No one knows when God is coming back so live life the way he wants you to live. Follow him. Love him. Fear him. He is almighty and he is worthy of praise. He is the great I am . You know God has blessed me so much recently and I am so thankful for all he has done. Like: the love of my family and friends, school, a home, a church, a christian family full of brothers and sisters, and even Matthias (which I am thankful for so very much). I dont know why I never noticed him before...maybe I was blind by someone who wasnt anything like I wanted or needed in my life. To be honest, I feel like I wasted so much time over Cory when I could have been focusing on more important things. I also feel like I have somehow deprived Matthias even though thats not the case at all. I just wish I could go back in time and rethink my decision...but I can't. I'm just praying that Matthias is the right guy. I have never felt this sure of someone....ever. He is just so easy to be around and to talk to. I am completely comfortable to be with him. Its so amazing...I didnt know such a feeling could even exist! Sad thing is I really miss him now lol....I havent talked to him for like 2 days (ik its so short but I really miss him.) I wonder if he thinks about me or misses me as much as I think about him and miss him. I think about him ALL the time. He is constantly on my mind. He is so handsome (adorable!) and sweet and I love that he is shy (not many girls like that but i think its cute and really sweet). Looking back months ago I would never have thought much about him or this but now its almost all I think about. I think about him at THE most random times too! Like times that wont even make sense like in choir or digital design...sometimes first thing in the morning when I am deciding how I should fix my hair or what I want to wear. Gee you guys are probably tired of reading my blogs now because they always seem to go back to Mattie but I cant help it. I feel like one of these days he is gonna leave or get creeped out! I'd rather him know the truth than wonder how I am feeling though because I want him to know that I am really serious about him and about this. I will wait forever if I have to for him. Ok Maybe I should randomly rant now lol...just so I can blog about matthias more later lol:) So practice on Wednesday was horrible! Steven (our like worship leader) never listens to anyone else when they have ideas so...we were all like mad at him because there is a song we r singing for sunday and he forgot so many verses or repeats so we were all confused and he said ," on sunday the music will be idiot proof." Like ouch! Basically he doesn't take this job as serious as others would. I think we need a worship leader who had been to school for worship leading. I think we should hire Jon Able! HAHA <3>
<3>

New Years Resolutions and Steaming Hot Chocolate:)

2009-12-31T10:31:00.000-08:00

It's New Years Eve! I have been thinking and looking back in the year of 2009 and I have decided to make a list(top 10) of all the positives and all the negatives about '09 and then make a NYR list for 2010! So Looking back (positives):
1.) Made some new friends (this includes shelby, jared, hunter, brent)
2.) More bonding time with my mom and norman
3.) Had a better outlook on people
4.) Got closer to God
5.) Joined the worship team
6.) Got better at guitar
7.) Fell for someone who is better for me
8.) Joined Winter Guard (and didnt flunk off:)
9.) Sent money to Mexico leader (Garnet)
10.) Wrote 73 poems and started 25 stories (including mine and mollys lol)

So that was interesting...like I have never really thought about all that has happened. Becoming friends with Shelby, Jared, Hunter, and Brent was an adventure lol! They are so great and they make me laugh plus they are easy to just be yourself around and open up to. I was scared to be with them the first night we hung out because I didnt know how to be me but I had a lot of fun and I enjoyed myself. I had a better time bonding with my mom and Norman this year. I spent 2 weeks with them in the summer and I didnt want to come home because I had such a good time bonding with them. Especially bonding with Norman because is such a great guy. He really gives good advice and really helps with any problem. My outlook on people changed a bunch this year too. Like I learned that you really have to know someone before you can make a good judgement on whether they are good to be around or not. This was my first year to ICYC and since I didnt get to spend my time in Mexico with all the kids there...I went to ICYC with my youth group and I learned so much. The worship with Jon Able was AMAZZZZING!!! Then when we all came back to our church we were like ,"No comparison at all!" Because there was nothing like it at ICYC. You could literally feel God in the room.This was my first year as a member of our worship team at church. It has been an adventure...I mean our leader doesnt really listen to us:( Molly and I have made so many suggestions and he doesnt think we should do any of it. I picked up learning guitar in '08 but it never really went anywhere and this year I have worked like no other...I can play any chord (still have F problems tho) but it has been fun learning and playing for people. After my break up with Cory I prayed that God would put someone in my life that would be a christian and that I could be myself around. When we went to ICYC I started hanging with this guy in my youth group and I started noticing certain things and weird feelings around him. I laugh so much more around him and I can really be me and not feel like he is gonna walk away from me. He has really been a blessing in my life and we arent dating but I am really ok with that. I want to take things slow and easy with him so that we don't have a failing relationship. I have never been so serious about someone and I really have never had feelings for anyone like I have for him. Winter Guard is alot better than Color Guard! I love winter Guard! It is so fun and its way easy:) I love it! We sent tons of money for Garnet to paint her house and to buy VBS crafts for the children in Mexico! I had a goal to write at least 40 poems that made sense and I wrote 73! They arent the best poems ever but they have meaning and hope in them. I will post them later:)

Negative list:
1.) Lost some friendships over drama
2.) Play cancelled
3.) Shootings down south
4.) Dan the man at band camp
5.) Sad boy stories (aww molly)
6.) Math Class
7.) Friend turned to Cutting
8.) Break ups
9.) Testings
10.) Death of a Teacher

2009 Started great. Molly and I were best friends with 2 girls named Hanna and Lacie. Lets just say that wasnt our smartest decision...they drank and did things Christians shouldnt do and so we stopped being friends with them. Our school had a musical planned but it cancelled because we couldnt pull it together at all. There were shootings inTexas (I think):( We had a cruel guy for band camp lol. He made us run to the fence and back so many times! We all have those sad stories involving feelings for someone and this year it hit all of us sadly lol. Molly is in love and the guy is kinda whatevering her...which is mega depressing:( I have a horrible math class....enough said. One of my friends has gone from kinda cutting to extreme cutting and I dont know how to help her:( There were break ups this year that were crazy (angela and donald). All those dumb tests like the ASVAB. LOL! We lost a great teacher this year. He had cancer and was on a breathing machine. So as you can see my 2009 has been a very interesting year. It was full of random things....good and bad. Here are some goals for 2010:
1.) See John Mayer in March at Freeman hall in Louisville
2.) Go to prom with the most amazing guy ever(ur more amazing than I am:) and have a lot of fun
3.) Focus on God and bonding with him
4.) Pass math 2nd semester with flying colors
5.) Figure out a def. plan after Graduation
6.) Stay focused on schooling and guard
7.) Form a stonger worship team
8.) Introduce new songs into the church
9.) Shoot for more youth lock-ins and events
10.) Stay postive and happy

This is gonna be an easy accomplished list for 2010. I think things will go way smoother this year. I already am on a good start with saving money to see John Mayer and I even got a maybe. Im taking a very amazing guy to prom. I oculdnt ask for anyone better to go with (especially since I can be me with him and we have similariies in tons of things) He says he cant dance lol but we will see. I cant dance either:) My focus on God has gotten stronger. I have a study hall so passing math will be way easy. I have a half way baked plan for after graduation. Im taking guard alot more serious. Our worship team is somewhat stronger than it use to be. We are introducing 'SING SING SING' on Sunday. Hopefully Ben will hopefully have a few more events planned for our youth group. I am mostly always happy unless something really upsets me....like when my aunt talks bad about my mom. It hurts because yes she did wrong but I forgive her for everything that has ever happened and it has brought us closer together. I pray that 2010 be a great year and a lot better than 2009. I pray to God that he helps me to keep positive and just be myself. I also pray that he shows me what to do. Also I pray he gives me a great color idea for prom because I still have no clue!
Until later~
<3>

I LUV TUTTLES! <3

2009-12-30T10:03:00.000-08:00

So I am chilling with my bestie (Molly Anne Jewell from the gansta side of Flora) and we are waiting for Worship practice tonight at 7....which it is only 1:05 pm. Hmm...I have no idea what to blog about...I am adding random pictures to fb which havent been added yet and its like "OMG GOOD TIMES!" Hahah! :) Molly is huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuungaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! TEEHEE! Wow I am a loon right now (haha billy and molly moment) so..I honestly have nothing serious to say in this blog except that maybe I am losing my mind and I am pumped for Jervie's tomorrow! So I realize I have no blogspot friends:( makes me sad...I might cry...jk! Molly is so gonna get one because I am gonna make her *insert evil laugh* soo......that is my update for now...I will blog tonight when I actually have something to say to you guys.
BYE FOR NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<3phi

Dadada I Have No Title Idea!

2009-12-21T15:54:00.000-08:00

So I am mega super borededed...I spent most of my day chatting it up with Mattie online. We had a good conversations...he called me beautiful and I cried. No guy has ever used that word to describe me before. I was like tearing up bad!I mean honestly I never even see myself as beautiful. Then we talked about what happened with my mom...and things that were personal and he took them seriously not like other guys I have ever talked to. Its just around him...I can be me and we are happy. I love bein able to be me and laugh and joke without getting judged. It feels so great ya know? I mean honestly I am way way happy that he likes me back. God has been so great to me lately. He has answered so many prayers. I mean honestly. I have never been like this before it is awesome! Thank you God for sending me Matthias! Its like a blessing and a dream come true!
<3phi

A Day in the Life of Phi<3 That's Me!

2009-12-10T14:34:00.000-08:00

Hello Blog readers! For those of you who don't know already...I am Phillisha. My buds call me Phi. I am 17 and I attend Carroll. I go to Church of Christ at Logansport. I am in the Winter Guard and Women's Choir( which is so Awesome!) I worship lead at my church on Sunday mornings along with : nursery, 3-5, and sometimes greeting. I go to youth group on Tuesday nights and I am amazingly random! My favorite color is lime green but I love any shade of green. My room is lime green with a blanket my gma made along with matching curtains and a chair with matching pillows. I have a tv with dvd and ps2. I have a huge movie collection of my own full of random things. I love watching That 70's show and Disney Movies to put me to sleep. My favorite Disney Movie is Cinderella. My favorite movie is a toss between 17 again or Bill and Ted. My favorite band ever is Plain White T's. My favorite christian band is Steller Kart. My favorite christian singer is either Chris Tomlin or Jeremy Camp. I enjoy my youth group time because they are basically like my second family. I love my friends at youth group more than my friends at school but only because they are always there for me even when I am hurt or need a shoulder to cry on because I relate to them more. I love my friends though dont get me wrong. They are amazing and they are also very easy to talk to and to trust. I dont like eating sugar babies but I love the taste of them. Twizzlers are my favorite candy! I am addicted to converse all stars and heels. I own so many shoes! I like jewelery but I dont really wear alot of it. I love the smell of new cars and clothes. I like the feeling of jeans when you first wear them. I love the sound flip-flops make when you walk. I like watchin the rain but hate when it is scary outside. I love the smell of air after the rain has stopped. I love when the sun is out during morning and the sky is hot pink/ neon red. I love blogging because I feel more expressed this way even if no one but me reads these. Facebook is only addicting when you are bored or have someone you want to talk to. I miss people when I am away from them for a few days. I hate how sometimes when you take showers the water switches from cold to hot. I hate how you try to put on eyeliner and then mess up. I hate when I try to look good that day I end up looking horrible. I hate how perms cause frizz! I don't understand guys....I am not an expert when it comes to love. I can only trust my heart and when I say I love you...I mean it with all of my heart. I would never lie to someone for over 10 months about my feelings. I want to get married someday and have no more than 4 kids but non less than 0 lol (meaning I want kids with my husband someday.) I want a good steady relationship with a good christian guy who loves me for me and can be loyal and trusted. I also want to be with a guy who wont want to just mess around because 1.) I dont do that! 2.) I have respect for myself and I am waiting until I am married so that I can have a good relationship and give myself to my husband instead of cheating him out or breaking my promise to God. Saving yourself til marriage isn't bad like the world says. It also isnt something to make fun of someone about. It is a serious decision and it should be made my a man and woman who are married and in love. Thats what I am waiting for. I actually am into someone who is very loyal and a christian guy who sets his standards high too. I really respect him for that and I hope that he knows how I feel about him because I honestly am trusting my heart in this one and I am not gonna date someone who wont respect me or love me. I love this guy alot. I am not just saying this...I honestly mean all of it. And if he is reading this or ever reads this then he will know who he is and he will hopefully not find me creepy. I think I love you. I can honestly say that I have never felt like this and so sure of someone before. I comepletely trust you and you can trust me.Wow its like I am virtually telling you how I feel and I know you will never read my blog. Thats us kinda sad then huh? lol! I mean honestly...I wish I could just be open to him and tell him face to face but as I have mentioned before...he is a very shy guy and I dont want him to think I am a freak or something. I have a fear of messing up our friendship over my feelings. He likes me but I dont think he loves me nor do I know if he could ever consider dating me. I wish I knew how he felt...
Phi

I Can't Believe This:)

2009-12-06T14:02:00.000-08:00

It's obviously Sunday and I have like 2 weeks left til break comes. I am mega pumped! Anyway, today has been an interesting day and it all started on Friday. It was amanda's birthday party and we had a lot of fun...then I took the written test yesterday and I passed:) Then today I greeted with mattie and we had a lot of good topics. We talked a lot on and off today...we also had a long lasting hug(which was interestingly amazing.) I just cant believe I like him this much you guys. At first it was like a tiny crush but the more I notice how I am around him...I honestly have feelings for him. He fits my guy list...that makes him even better.
Here is my list:
1.) Christian- this is important to me...I am a christian girl and I couldnt be with a non-christian guy
2.) Loyal- I like to know that I am dating someone I can trust who will be loyal and not cheat on me
3.) Man Hands- It's an issue of mine...I dont like gross hands. (no offense to those guys who have them)
4.) Loves me for me- I want to be able to be myself and be comfortable
5.) Family Man- a guy who will actually spend family time
6.) Nerdy- I like guys who are smart...
7.) Funny- I laugh a lot and itd be nice if he would laugh a lot
8.) Easy Listening-Sometimes I need someone who will listen...
9.) Supporting- sometimes I need this too.
10.) Gentle- gentle hearted...gentle touching...someone who is just very gentle and sweet to me
11.) Random- I am sometimes very random
and there is alot more than this but I mean honestly...he fits. Trust me lol! I don't know what to do though...I would love to be honest with him about how I feel but I dont know what he would think about it. I just dont want to be heart broken and I dont want to lose him (even though we arent together) because he is very amazing and the type of guy I have been non stop praying to God for. Ben(youth leader) told me to pray for my perfect guy after cory and I broke up and I did and Matthias started talking to me more and there was all those obvious signs...I dont want to lose someone who could be....you know? I am stuck because he is very shy and I so dont want him to feel obligated of like pressured because that would make me feel horrible for doing that because he hasnt had a gf and his first should be someone he can see himself with in the future as his wife and if he doesnt feel this way towards me (which I dont know) then I dont want him to spoil it on me. I could see me marry'n someone like him...we get along so well and he loves God like I do and I love that about him. Life is so confusing sometimes....so I guess I will wait this out and see what he says or feels and go from there.
Phi

Hey:)

2009-12-01T19:15:00.000-08:00

I changed my blog...I have the old one but I like this one alot better only because the other one was horrible! I mean it had old me on it and I like the newer me better. ICYC has opened my eyes to so much and I am just so very thankful to even be on Earth serving him and bringing others to God. I am gonna actually blog more about my happy thoughts and things I am going through later on but this blog is more of an opening for you to get to know the real me. I am 17. I attend Carroll High School. My nickname is Phi...its short for Phillisha :) "hi!" I enjoy many things...like reading in a cozy chair while thinking about my future, song writing, writing poems, and even working on my dance skills (which I still have.) I play acoustic guitar right now. I am working on more than what I have been doing. I want to play a song sometime for our church. I love the color lime green! I have a cat named Ben. Sometimes when I am bored I day dream or I watch movies. A Walk to Remember makes me bawl like a baby. I have 4 siblings (Matthew-12, Ellen-11, Michael-10, and Hayden- 9 months.) Hayden was born with Down syndrome and he has been a big blessing and angel in my life. I actually have decided to start taking dating seriously. I am looking for a guy I could spend my forever with and there is someone right now who fits that perfectly. Shockingly enough he admires me back:) He is such an amazing guy once you start to hang around him. He is also very random! He makes me laugh and he goes to church with me which makes things better because I am looking for a christian guy who is very trustworthy and loyal to me. He also has to have man hands (which in this case...he has amazing hands!) I love how I can be me around him and he doesnt think I am completely retarded. I love that! I just am praying for a good outcome with him because I noticed when I was with him at ICYC, I actually have feelings for him and he is Mr. Right on my list. Sounds creepy I know but I actually have thought serious for once and I pray about this every night. God works in mysterious ways...I mean honestly things can seem rough but God will pull you through. He loves his children and he would never hurt us. Thats another thing about me. I am very serious when it comes to my spiritual walk with God. I want to learn so much more about him ou know? I want to attend college either here in Indiana (depends on if I have a mr right at that moment) or Louisville. I am taking 2 years of beauty school and then I am taking some business courses so that one day I will manage my own hair salon and have a beautiful family. I would love to have at least 2 children with my husband. I secretly want a wrap around porch on my house in the future...its been a dream of mine for years. You probably think I am being weird but I am very planned ahead. My plains all depend on choices I make and I want my dreams of owning my own salon and having a wrap around porch to come true. I sing in the shower....I also sleep talk (or so I am told.) I dont snore..I breathe heavy in my sleep. I am a nerd and am on the Battle of the Books team with my buds. I love friends...especially my friends at youth group because they all are so very sweet and caring. I love caring and good hearted people. I always laugh and smile...Im a huge giggle box. I laugh at anything. Sometimes I am slow and dont understand things. I am a member of the color guard....and now winterguard. My favorite classes are Chemistry and English.:) So I hope you have learned a little about me...I love being comepletely random and I love talking! Enjoy my blogs because I will be posting alot after this:)

Phi